I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
