was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
