She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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