Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
