thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
