She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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