The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
