As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
