Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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