he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
