I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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