Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
