and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
