just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
