I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize