I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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