You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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