those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
