I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
