been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
