I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize