Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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