I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
