I want to make a zoo with you.
Say something about gay babies.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
