I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You can't just leave with hair like that
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
