mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
