If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
