You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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