I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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