Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize