Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
