sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
