i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
