I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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