I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
