Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
