I just saw a hot homeless man
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
