can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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