So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
