u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
