I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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