I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's always time for handjobs
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
