We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
