Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize