k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
