You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
