My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize