we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
