I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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