Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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