Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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