Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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