I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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