I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
