theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
