I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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