I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
