I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
