im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
