The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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