I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
