If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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