Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I cut my penus on the lid.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
