Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
