his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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