I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
