fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize