I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why do cheetos always look like penises
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
