I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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