I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
