highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
