I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
