I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
