my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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