Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and she was petting her beer can
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
